LOVE

How will I know when I fall in love?  How old do you have to be to be in love? 

We first hear the words “I love you” most likely from our family members – but I don’t think that’s the kind of love you are talking about. ;)

And in order to answer this question, we first have to take a look at what love is…

The dictionary’s best definition of Love is… an intense feeling of deep affection (noun)

But more importantly, lets also take a look at the biblical definition of love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes it perfectly by saying “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Ok, so I bolded the words we want to take a closer look at – patient, kind, protect, trust, persevere.  Patient and kind are adjectives but they can also be actions.  (The act of being patient, the act of being kind)  And then protect, trust, hope and persevere are all verbs, or actions.  See a commonality here?  If the describing words of Love are all actions, then love is not just a feeling but it's an action also.

So, how will I know when I fall in love? Start to answer that by asking yourself the following questions about your boyfriend and/or your relationship… (and answer them honestly)

Is my boyfriend patient?  Is he kind?  Or, is he rude? Is he self-seeking?  Is he easily angered?  Does he remind me of my past mistakes or does he forgive?  Does my boyfriend protect me?  Do I trust my boyfriend?  Does he hope for a future with me?  Will we persevere and will he pursue me long-term and through hard times?

I also want to take you to 1 John 3:18 - it says “let us not love in words or tounge, but with ACTIONS and TRUTH” 

Remember the old saying "Actions speak louder than words?"  That applies here!  A guy could SAY he loves you but do his actions reflect that?

As far as How old do you have to be to be in love?  That's something you'll have to figure out on your own, because its different for everyone.  But the scripture above should help you walk through both those loving feelings and loving actions.  

Does that help??

Love you girls!  (PS- the action behind my love for you girls is this blog - and walking you through tough times and tough questions!) :) 

Earning Trust

Scenario: I have a boyfriend. He and I get along so well, talk a LOT and just love each others company. But with school and work, he and I dont get to see each other as much as we want to. When we do hang out, we try to get as much time together as possible but when that happens, my mom and dad get suspicious. They always ask what we're doing and what takes so long when I'm out and stuff like that and I feel like they're attacking me for no reason.  I know i don't do anything "bad" or that would make them upset but I just feel like they don't believe me or trust me. I know they're having a hard time with other things and I don't want them to worry about me on top of everything else. I just feel overwhelmed and like i cant be trusted when I'm with him. I don't know what I can do to prove that both he and I can be trusted, you know?

What I Think: Well, your parents will worry about you forever, because they are your parents and they want to protect you.  And, as long as you live with them, they have final say on - almost everything.  (Remember that one commandment...? - yep #5 - "honor your father and your mother..." Ex. 20:12  It's also in Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord)

All you can do is continue to be honest about what you are doing and where you are. Invite your boyfriend to come hang out at the house if you know you want to be together until late at night. Don't give your mom and dad any reason not to trust you. Also, when you say you are going to be home by midnight - be home by midnight. ("Let your yes be yes and your no be no" Matt 5:37) If you don't think you'll be home until 1:00am because you want to hang out longer, or watch a late movie - then tell them that too. But be home when you say you will be - when you're not thats when they start to worry.  It's all about building and keeping their trust.

My other piece of advice?  For girls in college (18+) - its really healthy to move out close to or on campus, or maybe even a sorority house with girls you know and trust.  It gives you more freedom to make your own decisions and spread your wings a little bit.  But be sure you keep the company you want to be associated with - and always surround yourself with people you trust completely.  Be wise, aware, and safe.

For highschool girls - keep earning your parents trust by doing what you say you are going to.  Like it or not, you do have to earn trust if you want your parents to give you more freedom.  As long as they feel like they know what you are up to and who you are with, and you are HONEST with them, they make be more willing to be flexible with you.

For junior high girls - you shouldn't be hanging out with boys without any adults around.  sorry. :)  BUT - you can also start earning your parents trust by talking to them, letting them meet your friends, and just by not doing anything (or texting anything) you wouldn't want them to see or know about.

Love you girls!

A Burdened Heart

My heart breaks over the struggles teenage girls face on a daily basis. You girls have so many questions about everything - boys, dating, parents, "mean" girls, healthy living, etc. Here is an example of questions from some of my girls...

Does it specifically say in the bible not to have sex before marriage? If so, where? How far is too far? If you've already had sex, does that mean you can't be forgiven? Is it an unforgivable sin?

The pressure to have sex can be OVERWHELMING. You *know* (or think, or have heard that) your friends have done it - so you should do it too. You just want to know what it feels like. You want to feel loved by your boyfriend. You want to make your boyfriend happy and you think that by having sex with him it will make him love you more. Well guess what girls, by having sex outside of marriage, most likely none of those things actually come true. Here is what the bible says about your questions...

Does it say in the bible not to have sex before marriage? If so, where?

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure..." Hebrews 13:4

"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband" 1 Corinthians 7:2

How far is too far? "But among you, there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people" Ephesians 5:3

If you've already had sex, does that mean you can't be forgiven? Is it an unforgivable sin? "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 1:9

Girls, God is very clear about his intentions for sex within the context of marriage. Read also Genesis 2:24 & 25; 1 Corinthians 6:13; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8. He wants you to wait for your husband because He is protecting you from the emotional concequences that come with the break up. Having sex before marriage will not make you feel more loved by your boyfriend, it will only leave you feeling alone, shameful and guilty. Having sex will not make him love you more - and in fact - may give your boyfriend a reason to leave you, since, in a way, he has already "had" you. And, you want to know what it feels like? Outside of marriage - it hurts. Physically and Emotionally.

So, where do you go from here? If you've made the decision to have sex already but realize it's a sin and you want to turn to the Lord - pray. Ask for His forgiveness and forgive yourself. Lamentations 3:22-23 says "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning..." His compassion and mercy is new everyday! He will forgive you.

If you are considering it - pray. Pray for the Lords direction and pray that He provides a way out of tempting situations. Find a Christian girlfriend you trust to hold you accountable. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says "No temptation has seized you; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it."

One final thought is Romans 8:28 - "...in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (that includes your "mistakes") He loves you and He knows what is best for your life. Let Him guide you. Trust Him.